Let’s talk about something uncomfortable: women and wealth.
Not just making a good salary. Building wealth.
The kind that gives you choices. The kind that lets you say no to things that don’t serve you. The kind that means you never have to stay in a bad situation because you can’t afford to leave.
Sounds good, right? So why do so many of us cringe at the idea of actively building wealth?
When I was laid off early in my career, I was determined to become financially independent, to feel more financially secure so I would never be in such a vulnerable position again. But even as I built my financial foundation, I hesitated to call it wealth-building. There was something about it that felt obnoxious.
It took a while for me to overcome that feeling and to embrace the thought of building wealth, without cringing or using an apologetic tone when I talked about it. The interesting thing about it? I discovered I wasn't the only woman who felt this way.
From when we were little, we were told that "good" girls share, nurture, and give. We learned that putting others first makes us a "good" person and that self-sacrifice is a virtue. But wealth? That’s for people who are greedy, materialistic, and self-serving; especially if you are a woman.
That kind of messaging sticks with you—even when you know better.
In overcoming my discomfort and working with women to build wealth and financial security, I learned 3 things about why women often cringe at wealth-building. I also identified 3 perspective shifts that helped me embrace building wealth.
1. We’ve Been Taught That Our Worth Comes From Giving, Not Having
How many times have you heard:
“Women are natural caretakers.”
“You’re so lucky to be in a position to help your family.”
“It’s not about the money—it’s about making a difference.”
It’s no wonder we feel conflicted about wealth. We’ve been conditioned to give everything away—our time, energy, emotional labor, and yes, even our money.
Realization: You can care about others and still build wealth for yourself.
In fact, you’ll be able to help more when you’re not constantly giving from a place of depletion.
2. We Fear That Having Money Will Make Us “Bad” People
Think about the movies you grew up watching.
The rich woman? Usually the villain.
The kind-hearted, selfless woman? Usually struggling but content.
Again, it's no wonder we're uncomfortable being associated with building wealth. We don’t want people to think we’re greedy, cold, or out of touch.
Realization: Wealth doesn’t change your values. It amplifies them.
If you’re generous, wealth gives you more resources to be generous.
If you care about your community, wealth lets you support it in bigger ways.
If you value freedom, wealth gives you the ability to create it.
Money is not who you are. It’s a tool that lets you show up in the world as your best self.
3. We Secretly Feel Guilty for Wanting More
For many first-generation high earners, there’s an extra layer of guilt. Many of us grew up seeing the women in our families work hard, sacrifice, and stretch every dollar.
Now that we’re in a position to build wealth, it can feel greedy to want more—like we don't appreciate that we have it much better than the people before us.
Realization: If our mothers or grandmothers had the opportunity to build lasting financial security, they would have taken it and would want the same for us!
Breaking generational cycles isn’t selfish. It’s progress.
How to Stop Cringing and Start Owning Your Wealth
If you feel uneasy, guilty, or even resistant to the idea of building wealth, here are 3 perspective shifts for moving past it:
1. Reframe Wealth as a Form of Care
You can’t pour from an empty cup and you can’t create real impact from a place of scarcity.
Wealth allows you to:
Support your family without sacrificing your own security.
Give generously without wondering if you’ll have enough for yourself.
Set boundaries so your time and energy aren’t constantly drained by financial stress.
2. Practice Intentional Giving
If you’re always giving away your money—whether it’s to family, charities, or bailing out friends—you might be giving from a place of guilt, instead of being intentional.
This doesn’t mean you stop helping others. It means you create a structure for giving that doesn’t jeopardize your own financial future or make you feel guilty about building wealth and financial security for yourself.
Try this:
Set a giving budget each year.
Prioritize long-term wealth-building first.
Remind yourself that your financial health matters too.
3. Surround Yourself with Women Who Also Have a Wealth-Building Mindset
You might think you are alone in wanting to build wealth, but you are not! If you don’t have examples of women who embrace wealth unapologetically, find them.
Look for:
Friends who talk openly about money and investing.
Coaches, mentors, or financial experts who align with your values.
Communities of high-earning, first-generation women navigating the same challenges.
The more you normalize these conversations, the easier it will feel to own your financial success.
Final Thoughts
It’s OK to want more!
Women are allowed to want wealth.
Women are allowed to build financial security for themselves.
Women are allowed to prioritize their own futures, not just everyone else’s.
I had to learn to get past the belief that building wealth was selfish and greedy, and now, I see it for what it really is: an act of self-care, self-respect, and self-preservation.
If you ever cringe at the thought of building wealth, these perspective shifts can help you overcome it too.